Why Ticked Off Codess?

Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Hello, I’m Carol, and I’m a ‘Ticked Off Codess.’ In this post, I’ll delve into what it means to be a ‘Codess’ and why I’ve got every reason to be ticked off.

As someone who has struggled with chronic illness most of her life, I’ve had to fight for my health in more ways than most can understand. I was raised to believe in equality and perfection. Yet, I was always treated differently because of my gender. Any disappointment was not acceptable and often met with anger from my parents.

As a teenager, I had a lot of pent-up and residual anger but no tools for releasing it. As health issues popped up, I began looking inward. It wasn’t until I realized that I was not to blame for my health issues that the pent-up anger transformed into indignation.

I became ticked off. Ticked off at my circumstances, and ticked off at the world.

As time passed, I came to a crucial realization: I had a choice to make. I could either allow this anger to fester and consume me, or I could harness it as fuel to propel myself forward, chasing my most cherished dreams. Without hesitation, I chose to let it fuel my determination.

That determination led to a significant achievement – a full 4-year scholarship that allowed me to venture as far as possible from my current situation, all in pursuit of the person I aspired to become.

As my health continued to take a toll on me, I found myself feeling lost and uncertain about the future. Yet, I clung fiercely to the hope that one day, things would get better.

Even in the face of that hope, I couldn’t shake the feelings of indignation, annoyance, and frustration that still simmered within me.

I’m beyond ticked off.

• I’m ticked off at how the medical system failed me for years.

• I’m ticked off by the systemic injustices ingrained in our medical system, leaving countless individuals, especially those dealing with tick-borne infections, to fend for themselves.
• I’m ticked off at the CDC for downplaying the prevalence of Lyme Disease and its exponential growth, turning a blind eye to an escalating epidemic that affects us all.
• I’m ticked off by how swiftly medical professionals dismiss our symptoms as mere figments of our imagination, leaving us struggling in silence.
• I’m ticked off at how I’ve lost my voice so many times to dismissive doctors.
• I’m ticked off that I have to dig deep into my own pockets to seek help from specialists in tick-borne infections, while the healthcare system should have our backs.
• I’m ticked off that I’ve had to fight tooth and nail just to be seen and heard by doctors.
• I’m ticked off that my significant other and I were denied COVID-19 testing in early March 2020 because we had not traveled to China in the last 14 days. We were both symptomatic.
• I’m ticked off that because of my gender, my symptoms were not taken seriously.
• I’m ticked off that my ethnicity has led to unwarranted doubt and dismissal of my health concerns, an experience far too familiar for many people of color.
• I’m ticked off that there’s such a massive disconnection between what my mind wants to do and what my body allows me to do.
• I’m ticked off that Long COVID, a debilitating condition affecting many, is met with indifference by the media and society at large, with little recognition of its seriousness.
• I’m ticked off that our government has chosen to prematurely declare the end of the COVID-19 crisis, leaving those of us still struggling to navigate its aftermath feeling abandoned.
• I’m ticked off that I’m being left behind.
• I’m ticked off that my career is on pause.
• I’m ticked off that recovery is so damn slow.
• I’m ticked off that I keep accumulating diagnoses.
• I’m ticked off that marginalized communities face relentless hurdles in obtaining proper diagnosis and treatment for ME/CFS.
• I’m ticked off that, to this day, there are absolutely no approved treatments for ME/CFS and Long Covid, leaving countless individuals without effective solutions for their suffering.

Why ‘Codess’?

The term ‘Codess‘ is an amalgamation of ‘Coder‘ and ‘Goddess.’

I’m inherently a coder and a scientist at heart, a software engineer by profession 👩‍💻. I relish tackling intricate problems, getting to the root of issues, and dreaming of converting my life into an algorithm that I myself must decipher. As a coder, my aspiration is to serve as an inspiration to more women and girls, encouraging them to embrace coding and pursue their passions in the tech world. I firmly believe that coding is a potent tool for fostering creativity, solving problems, and empowering individuals.

But there’s another facet of me, an inner goddess warrior yearning for recognition. This softer side of my personality deserves more self-reflection and love, a part of me I’ve often suppressed by bottling up my emotions. It’s the side I learned to conceal from the world at an early age.

My inner goddess deserves self-care. I’ve long neglected her, being overly critical and harsh on myself throughout my life. However, I’ve come to realize that through practices like meditation, journaling, and the simple act of diffusing my favorite essential oils, I can extend the love and compassion she craves.

I’ve learned that self-love starts from within, a journey where I no longer blame myself when things don’t go as planned or dwell on what I could have done differently, especially regarding my health challenges.

It also means embracing my true self, shedding the mask I’ve worn for years, and openly sharing my experiences. For far too long, I concealed my pain and struggles, silently bearing the burden alone.

While I’m a work in progress, I’ve come to understand that I cannot be defined solely by my career. This is precisely why I’ve combined ‘Coder’ with ‘Goddess.’

I am a ‘Codess’ because I owe it to myself to pursue my passion while nurturing my inner goddess.

In this post, I’ve revealed the origin of the alias ‘Ticked Off Codess‘ and what it represents to me.